My Story

(FIRST DRAFT OF MY STORY, written 5-11-2009)




I grew up in Arizona as a shy girl during my elementary school years. We moved a lot and I always felt less than others. I was the oldest of four siblings. There was substance abuse in our home. (Today there is not. Praise God there is freedom from that and salvation.) I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 9 years old, thanks to my two aunts. However my faith was taunted with religion. My first Bible had rules added to it in my own handwriting. Do not wear black. No rock music. No dancing. God wasn't appealing as I saw Him as a mean judge if I didn't behave just right. My family didn't attend church regularly, but I attended church and AWANAS off and on with friends.

At age 7 and then again at 13, I was sexually abused by older men. Because of this, I felt a deep sense of shame. The abuse experience when I was 13 involved me and a friend. She was raped in front of me. We were in an extremely dangerous position. I felt responsible since I asked her to join me.

After that experience, I slowly gave up on their being a good and loving God. I could write pages about my experiences during my teens and early twenties. I've been there done that with most things. I was extremely insecure and focused on my body size to the point of obsession(I had a 24 inch waist but thought I was fat). During these years, I tried the party scene too. Sought the attention of men, but hated them at the same time. I felt depressed often but hid behind my laughter, the right clothes, my make up and hair. I continued to get myself into trouble and found myself pregnant--unmarried. That led to my abortion, which led to more troubles and more shame.

The following year I got married to another man, my current husband, Derek. We struggled during our early years of marriage. I was still emotionally unstable. Wounded. Everyone knew it based on how I treated him and what our lives were like. A couple years later, we hit financial rock bottom after a move and filed bankruptcy. So much more I could say here. Eventually, our hard times led to us trying faith as an answer, thanks to a Christian couple who invited us to try out their church. That was in 1996. We've been walking with God ever since.


The first five years of my faith I felt like I was at an arm's length from God. I didn't feel worthy to come any closer yet I longed for intimacy. God brought me to a desert place with Him. On purpose. And there real change and healing in my heart occurred. I felt the Word came alive like never before. I heard from God personally. I feel undone by God's love. And out of that I started my writing journey. Compelled to share with others, I'd write devotions and e-mail them to friends and family. They'd respond with encouragement. So I'd share again. tThat was 8 years ago, I haven't stopped since. I thank God for His relentless pursuit for this prodigal. He has captured my heart for good. God's done a mighty healing work in my heart and I feel free! I long to share that freedom with others as often as God would have it.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1(NIV).

Because of my freedom in Christ, I am free to love my family and others. It's not about rules. It's about an abiding relationship. I am free to hug. Free to go where God sends me without excuse. I'm free to plant my favorite happy flowers. Free to create something beautiful just because. Free to watch songbirds feed each other on my fence. Free to listen to music up loud. Free to be the kid in me. Free to read the Word or a good book. Free to sing and dance in my living room. Free to laugh until I cry. Free to watch my kids grow up. Free to help others. Free to capture life with my camera. Free to rest and not feel guilty. Free to write and speak to encourage others. Free to think deep. Free to journal and blog. And of course, free to eat my favorite food, chips and salsa!

Okay, there you have it. A Reader's Digest version of my life. I could share so much more, but basically the bottom line is I was once a worldly girl chasing all the wrong things and now I'm not. I've been caught and captivated my the King, Jesus! And I will never be the same. My hope and prayer is that God use my mess and passions to help inspire and heal others.

I live in Colorado Springs, Colorado with my husband Derek and two precious kids, Justin and Hannah. Everyday Pikes Peak reminds me of the greatest and majestic of my creator, God.


My life purpose statement is "I am a lens that helps people focus on what really matters." Through the Holy Spirit's leading, I hope I do that every day that I live in both the little and big things.

Thank you for reading a little bit more about me! God bless you.