I had a feeling this day would come. Tonight I’m turning off my blog comments for the first time in seven and a half years of blogging. Yes, this decision goes against everything blog experts say I should do. I should create a blog community and allow others to gather and chat here. But I can’t. Not anymore anyway.
Maybe someday I will open the comments up again, but not today.
I must follow God’s leading.
For far too long, I’ve leaned on your comments and I’ve measured my worth by your response or lack thereof. If you commented, I believed what I wrote had value. If you didn’t, I assume I missed the mark. And I wondered if I’ve lost my voice or missed my boat. And then I questioned my desire to write altogether.
Who even reads this anyway? Why am I compelled to leave a trail of words online?
And then I compared. I know there are more online options than ever, but some bloggers still get hundreds of comments with each post. Why? What are they doing that’s drawing in crowds? I’ve never that problem. So does that make my words worthless?
It’s humbling to know I get jealous and sulk after I apply (for every single trip) to be a part of Compassion’s blogger trips and don’t get picked. Sometimes I wish I never applied. Better go bury my dream in the sand. Self pity sucks.
I remember when I started my Prayers meme on Fridays, a few people joined in and linked up with their written prayers on their blogs, but for the most part it fell flat. No one wants to pray? I remember feeling like pastors who say they can’t get their church members to come to prayer events. It’s true. Most people seem uninterested in prayer. What an eye-opener.
Another thing I’ve noticed is if I write about a struggle you’re more likely to comment and comfort me. But what if I’m not struggling, do I write or not? What if I’m overjoyed, should I write then? Not if I measure my words value by your comments, I shouldn’t. But that’s exactly when I need to share. I need you to know how personal and precious my relationship with God is. I need to testify to His goodness in my life, in our broken world. We need more encouragement. We need more hope.
So tonight I’m making some major changes, I must write alone like I did ten years ago before blogging was even a recognizable word.
I must write in silence. For no applause. I must get back to that sacred place when my writing and blogging were simple acts of obedience and a way to worship my Creator.
Just me and God sharing heart to heart.
And I have to regain what I’ve lost along the way: my true worth, which is not dependent on comments. I must remember and remain planted in truth. I am significant, love and chosen. Thanks to Christ.
The hard part is, as a people person, I don’t want to shut you out. Because I do care deeply about you, especially your heart. I want you to know Jesus intimately. I want you free and whole, enjoying God’s wonders, trusting Him more each day, and growing in love. That’s my prayer.
So I ask for your grace as I pull back and tuck myself in closer to the heart of God.
I’m obviously off track and I can’t write from a pure heart when I blog. I think of you more than I think of Him.
God is calling me closer. It’s time for some face to face time with my Jesus. And I’m excited.
I will share as He compels me.
(To clarify, I’m still blogging here. What I’m stopping is the comment section. So if you want to chat, email me in private, or find me on Facebook or Twitter. To email me, click on the envelope or the “contact” link near header. I’ll read your words and reply.
Email subscribers, if you ever want to share with me, all you have to do is reply directly to the email update you receive from me. Your reply goes directly into my inbox.)